I’ve been away, and it’s still May so I guess it’s technically still Spring; if you’re not in New York, then it doesn’t matter how late this is because you’re lagging behind anyway. And if you’re in Berlin, London, the island, Paris, a Flux Capcitator, then reading this doesn’t matter since you’re already far ahead.
Fashionising says, “All haircuts are cyclical, and in recent years have gradually modernised the looks of the 20th Century and planted them firmly in the 21st.” It’s true. Englishmen usually almost always have it right, twisting school boy cuts with rough edges. Undercuts are total sexual chocolate and are sort of like the new mullet: business in the front, party in the back.
In honor of Broseidon, King of the Brocean, the Spring element for men is Bromine. Bromine(from Greek: βρῶμος, brómos, meaning “stench [of he-goats]“) is is the only nonmetallic element that is a liquid at room temperature and is found often in gasoline, pesticides, soft drinks and flame retardants: it’s an element of kings and of bros. If you’re ever in the need of some Decabromodiphenyl ether to destroy the environment or your liver, you have Bromine to thank.
WHO TO LOVE/WHO TO DISLIKE
Travic McCoy tried to fight some kids at a skatepark one of my good friends and his crew frequents in Hollywood. The DJ Epidemic loves kittens. Travis McCoy is an awful DJ. The DJ Epidemic rules the vinyl underground. Katy Perry dumped Travis McCoy for a reason. The DJ Epidemic is nice to his mom. It’s obvious who’s to love in this situation, right?
The suits, perforation, masculine draping, and twists on classic shapes for Spring are stunning. No homo.
1.) GIVENCHY | If you like: Voldemort, Miuccia Prada, stunnin’
2.) GUCCI | If you like: Classic cars, Neil Young, ecstacy
3.) ANN DEMEULEMEESTER | If you like: The 3 Ninjas, Berlin, karate
4.) DIOR HOMME | If you like: the Sahara Desert, collecting shoes, those kids who dance on the subway
Remember how in elementary school, you’d beat another kid up if he had a vast collection of Pogs so you could battle for your street cred and playground territory? I know that you, just like Oren J and many others, stashed your Pog collection once you discovered pot and cigarettes. You can stop ruing that unfortunate day, because Pogs are definitely, absolutely back. When I was in Paris a few week ago, I shot over to London to interview Josh Beech and found, in nearly every corner of nightlife in London, Pogs. They’re the perfect stress reliever for the man on the go, who lives his unwanted life without any reward or meaning. They’re also great investments: this limited edition O.J. Simpson trial set sold for half a million dollars. Usher’s been requesting them on his rider, and I even heard that one of the dudes from MGMT had to shave his head after he lost a match to Trace Cyrus. If Trace Cyrus is man enough, then you are too, right? It’s go time.
LESBIANS WHO LOOK LIKE JUSTIN BIEBER | This Bieber kid is far too young to be as cocky as he is. Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber is pretty self-explanitory. Pictures of lesbians who look like Justin Bieber are posted and to be honest, sometimes the similarities are uncanny. The day Justin Bieber stumbles upon this Tumblr is the day that he stops looking so god damn smug and cuts his hair.
ICON/WHO YOU SHOULD WANT TO BE
MARCUS MASON | Stylist, photographer, designer-to-be, DIY fashion journalist, and currently delving into the world of New York City P.R., making him one of those untouchable and unshakable anomalies which are so rare in this day and age. M.I.A. recently retweeted him. He’s done sewing for Ghesquière himself. His website, Confessions of a Fashion Addict, chronicles all of the big fashion shows, backstage, up close and personal; New York street style; links to Mason’s perfectly crafted mixtapes and songs of the minute before they’re mainstreamed; DIY projects and more. Just how Moses led the tired, hungry, and scared people into the promised land, Mason will do the same for you. A few days following Mason’s website, you’ll transform into the cultured, fashion-forward, gentleman with swag that your mother, girlfriend, and gay room always wanted you to be.
No matter where you’re going, always look presentable. In the words of Tracy Jordan:
“Dress every day like you’re going to get murdered in those clothes.”
“Live every week like it’s shark week.”
Summer forecasts sooner than later.